THE TOADY PEERS' PICNIC

Blimey... Haven't posted anything here for a while. bUt after listening to the abject and lamentable BOLLOCKS spouted by various Labour "Peers" on the make, I just had to rework that olde favourite children's song "The Teddy Bear's Picnic" with my own slant...


THE TOADY PEERS' PICNIC

If you get into the Lords today
You’re sure of a big cash prize
If you’re a Labour crony today
The limit is in the skies
For every new peer of New Labour there was
Their ermines for services rendered of course
Today’s the day the Toady Peers have their picnic.

CHORUS
Pigging time for Labour Peers
The sleazy Labour Peers are troughing themselves today
Now they’re caught out unawares,
They’ll sneak off on a holiday.
The Press have gone and found them out.
See them wriggle, squirm and shout,
Blind to the public’s cares
At three o’clock the humbugs and nannies
Will knock off to the bars
Because they’re shameless Labour Toady Peers

To get into the Lords today,
You must be a Labour clone.
A well paid skive that the public pay,
Far better than staying at home.
For so many Life Peers of Labour there was
Will lobby and fix for their backers because
The Lords is now packed with Toady Peers on their picnic.

CHORUS

The Labour Peer, appointed for good
Is sure of a drink today
There’s wine to drink and food to eat
The taxpayer mugged to pay
With the Labour sleaze, that nobody sees
They’ll lobby and brief as they much as they please
Today’s the day the Press blew the Toady Peers picnic.

CHORUS

Copyright: Jeremy Zeid 27th Jan 2009 - If you want to use it, as long as it is attributed to me, be my guest.

HOW LABOUR WILL DEAL WITH POLICE AND OTHER INEFFICIENCIES

In observing the current Alice-Through-the-Looking-glass world of "New" Labour, I will make some predictions as to how this monstrous waste of police time is tackled:-

Jacqui "Let's fine everybody £1000" Smith our lights-out-but-nobody's-Home-Secretary-of-the-Week will announce the formation of a new Quango, the Police Regulation Attainment Taskforce (PRAT).

PRAT will then immediately take on 500 staff to carry out an "extensive reappraisal" of police functions via a 200 page survey on each and every PC, PCSO and civilian staff.

In addition, all officers at any level will have to fill out an additional PRAT form for every arrest or stop, that will be used to assess the effectiveness of current forms as well as the efficacy of the new PRAT form.

It will become mandatory for local police chiefs to then collate this information on a monthly basis, via a new team of PRAT-monitoring officers in order to feed this via PRAT-Central to a new department within the Home Office and thence to a new junior PRAT-Minister reporting directly to the Home Secretary.

Needless to say, there will be pressure for widening the scope of PRAT to include the Justice Ministry and any other departments that have any form of contact with policing.

Therefore PRAT will demand that similar operations are set up within other ministries.

The result should be that once all appropriate ministries have their own PRAT ensconced, it should theoretically allow all PRATs to liase on a common basis to work to a common goal of putting PRATS at every level of government from parish councils upwards.

Due to system incompatibilities and intense jockeying between departments, coordination could be difficult, with the result that PRAT will require a overarching and dedicated Police Ministry to be set up and that will be separated from the Home Office. The new Department of Police Executive (DoPE) will be a cabinet level portfolio with the creation of the new post of DoPE Secretary and for which there are any number of experienced potential DoPEs on the government benches

With the inevitable difficulties and cost overruns and implications, the Prime Minister will then take "Personal Charge" and will appoint a well connected lawyer or think-tank head to lead a coordinating body the Central Response Action Panel (CRAP) that will deal with all of the PRATs in government and pull together the disparate information allowing the lights-on-but-nobody-Home-Secretary-of-the-Week to conclude that the police are seriously understaffed to deal with day to day policing and that a new body be set up to work with the police to try to identify the problems by 2050 etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc........... or until the Sun goes nova, whichever is the latter...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

MORE "NEW" LABOUR "EYECATCHING" CODSWALLOP

So here it is, another junk idea from Caroline Flint the new Minister for whatever she happens to be this week. Such is the paucity of what passes for talent in Comrade PM Brown's "premiere" team, that a reshuffle is really just that, but without the advantage that a pack of cards has, fifty two choices.

What "New" Labour has are several completely blank cards to be filled in as and when, and without even the luxury of the two jokers in a normal pack, there being just one, the humourless Sub-Prime Minister himself. Although the description "Joker" may be pushing it a bit, and for that I apologise.

Ms Flint, whose name perfectly fits her hard puritanical manner, has come up with this brilliant "idea" that those in Council accomodation who are not employed, could lose their homes for failing to take a job.

Now I am the first to admit that there are too many lazy male condom-averse playstation/nintendo jockeys and subsidised yoyo-knickered career sprog poppers, currently sponging off the taxpayer, but this latest eyewatering bollocks is shot full with more holes than Alistair Brown err... Gordon Darling's last budget.

All that will happen is that those so evicted will have to be given "emergency" housing that is far more expensive than their current accomodation. And what accomodation would this be?? The "Bed and Breakfast" that Labour, before it became "New", was determined to remove....

And let's not forget the "Human Rights Act" angle that gives us the human right to a roof over our heads. And in that last sentence, could lie a clue as to Flinty's idea for us all, because the "Right" is for A roof over your head, not YOUR roof, implying that any old roof will do.

So what "roof" could it be?? Answer! It could be ANY old roof and with the wording of such gems as the Civil Contingencies Act, could be a "reception centre".

The trouble is that "reception centre" is a meaningless term and could be used to describe a block of temporary flats, a workhouse, a dormitory, a hostel, a prison, or a work/concentration camp.

Sorry to sound alarmist, but from this lying, puritanical, dangerous, scapegoating, Stalinist, bastard government's record, absolutely anything is possible. Emboldened by our craven capitulation to the smoking ban, hunting ban, war-on-motorists, rights of entry, Congestion charging, Low Emission Zones etc. I would put NOTHING past the lunatic bastards curremtly running this asylum.

Hopefully Ms Flint will strike enough sparks on the hopefully steely British so that she and her fascist Labour ilk are voted out for the foreseeable future. Watch this space.

INCESSANT PROPAGANDA

I cannot be the only one to have noticed the veritable barrage of Government propaganda, adverts and media bullying that assaults our senses every day.

First there is the bullying regarding paying your bloody income tax on time. I am sure that Adam Hart davis is a thoroughly decent man, but he has become Gordon Brown, Alistair Invisible and HMRC's hectoring mouthpiece. Much as I normally like Adam, I am constantly willing him to be sucked to oblivion in that bloody giant hourglass. Hopefull it is a measure of the time left from Gordon the Moral Compass to disappear up his own statistical Bermuda Triangle.

Then we have the threats. The bastards from the data-flogging DVLA telling us how they will crush our cars if we don't pay the annual protection racket to drive on the Queen's potholes and roadhumps.

Next comes the Department for Whatever it Calls Itself This Week who deal with benefits. No ifs, No buts, just GET OFF OF OUR BACKS. Mind you I preferred the original campaign with the Mysterons (circles of light) following benefit cheats around.

A perennial favourite of our Commissars is to invoke our fetish and obsession with "The Children", to prick our sense of guilt. Everything revolves around bloody children, children..... If it saves ONE chiyuldddzzz life...................... So now our streets are an abstacle course of humps, lines, bollards, railings, chicanes and build-outs. With our attention taken up avoiding the obstacle course and reading the forest of useless signage, another "precious child" has been run over and the whole merry-go-round restarts.

Believe it or not I have only just got started.


SALT - Millions spent on television, radio, press and poster adverts that from the tone you would think that harmless Sodium Chloride is as dangerous as Sodium Cyanide. It's the Sodium innit??? Thde worst aspect of this piece of ill-informed nannying crap, is that people, especially children (sorry) and the elderly are suffering from salt loss in overhheated houses, hospitals and in hot weather. To the semi-literate political berks and tax-funded scientists, who endlessly yammer on about salt, any deaths from heat-stroke are down to YOU.

SMOKING - Sorry, but I am sick and tired of hearing, seeing and reading about smoking and how it is the weed of the devil, everywhere I look, everything I listen to and every TV programme I watch. And don't get me started on those effing "No Smoking" official signs on every shop window even TOBACCONISTS and, get this, the local CREMATORIUM door. If one ever needed proof that "New" Fascist Labour are akin to every graffiti chav, it is this, with their "Tag" everywhere you look, reminding us how they have infiltrated their malignant presence into every thing we do.......

ALCOHOL - And now on virtually every commercial radio station there are constaqnt ads exhorting us to "drink sensibly" and to be "drinkaware" etc... All of this trash is enough to drive you to drink.

So I have to ask our hectoring nannies in chief. How much is all of this propaganda costing the taxpayer, and how many operations, deep-cleans, cancer treatments, transplants and front line services are being jeopadized as a result?

OH BLOODY HELL...................

I've just heard on BBC Radio 2 that this week is "National Salt Awareness Week"

BRILLIANT!!! I am definitely aware that salt exists, and have been for over 50 years.

Not only that, but I have pounds of the stuff at home.

Do I get a 'stiffkit of recognition from our Dear Leader??

I propose a new National Week.....

How about:-

NATIONAL IGNORE THE HECTORING, PURITAN, FINGER-WAGGING BASTARDS WEEK

A bit of a mouthful, but does anyone want to back it?

I was going to suggest "Slap a Nanny Week", but it could be open to misinterpretation.