HOW LABOUR WILL DEAL WITH POLICE AND OTHER INEFFICIENCIES

In observing the current Alice-Through-the-Looking-glass world of "New" Labour, I will make some predictions as to how this monstrous waste of police time is tackled:-

Jacqui "Let's fine everybody £1000" Smith our lights-out-but-nobody's-Home-Secretary-of-the-Week will announce the formation of a new Quango, the Police Regulation Attainment Taskforce (PRAT).

PRAT will then immediately take on 500 staff to carry out an "extensive reappraisal" of police functions via a 200 page survey on each and every PC, PCSO and civilian staff.

In addition, all officers at any level will have to fill out an additional PRAT form for every arrest or stop, that will be used to assess the effectiveness of current forms as well as the efficacy of the new PRAT form.

It will become mandatory for local police chiefs to then collate this information on a monthly basis, via a new team of PRAT-monitoring officers in order to feed this via PRAT-Central to a new department within the Home Office and thence to a new junior PRAT-Minister reporting directly to the Home Secretary.

Needless to say, there will be pressure for widening the scope of PRAT to include the Justice Ministry and any other departments that have any form of contact with policing.

Therefore PRAT will demand that similar operations are set up within other ministries.

The result should be that once all appropriate ministries have their own PRAT ensconced, it should theoretically allow all PRATs to liase on a common basis to work to a common goal of putting PRATS at every level of government from parish councils upwards.

Due to system incompatibilities and intense jockeying between departments, coordination could be difficult, with the result that PRAT will require a overarching and dedicated Police Ministry to be set up and that will be separated from the Home Office. The new Department of Police Executive (DoPE) will be a cabinet level portfolio with the creation of the new post of DoPE Secretary and for which there are any number of experienced potential DoPEs on the government benches

With the inevitable difficulties and cost overruns and implications, the Prime Minister will then take "Personal Charge" and will appoint a well connected lawyer or think-tank head to lead a coordinating body the Central Response Action Panel (CRAP) that will deal with all of the PRATs in government and pull together the disparate information allowing the lights-on-but-nobody-Home-Secretary-of-the-Week to conclude that the police are seriously understaffed to deal with day to day policing and that a new body be set up to work with the police to try to identify the problems by 2050 etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc........... or until the Sun goes nova, whichever is the latter...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

MORE "NEW" LABOUR "EYECATCHING" CODSWALLOP

So here it is, another junk idea from Caroline Flint the new Minister for whatever she happens to be this week. Such is the paucity of what passes for talent in Comrade PM Brown's "premiere" team, that a reshuffle is really just that, but without the advantage that a pack of cards has, fifty two choices.

What "New" Labour has are several completely blank cards to be filled in as and when, and without even the luxury of the two jokers in a normal pack, there being just one, the humourless Sub-Prime Minister himself. Although the description "Joker" may be pushing it a bit, and for that I apologise.

Ms Flint, whose name perfectly fits her hard puritanical manner, has come up with this brilliant "idea" that those in Council accomodation who are not employed, could lose their homes for failing to take a job.

Now I am the first to admit that there are too many lazy male condom-averse playstation/nintendo jockeys and subsidised yoyo-knickered career sprog poppers, currently sponging off the taxpayer, but this latest eyewatering bollocks is shot full with more holes than Alistair Brown err... Gordon Darling's last budget.

All that will happen is that those so evicted will have to be given "emergency" housing that is far more expensive than their current accomodation. And what accomodation would this be?? The "Bed and Breakfast" that Labour, before it became "New", was determined to remove....

And let's not forget the "Human Rights Act" angle that gives us the human right to a roof over our heads. And in that last sentence, could lie a clue as to Flinty's idea for us all, because the "Right" is for A roof over your head, not YOUR roof, implying that any old roof will do.

So what "roof" could it be?? Answer! It could be ANY old roof and with the wording of such gems as the Civil Contingencies Act, could be a "reception centre".

The trouble is that "reception centre" is a meaningless term and could be used to describe a block of temporary flats, a workhouse, a dormitory, a hostel, a prison, or a work/concentration camp.

Sorry to sound alarmist, but from this lying, puritanical, dangerous, scapegoating, Stalinist, bastard government's record, absolutely anything is possible. Emboldened by our craven capitulation to the smoking ban, hunting ban, war-on-motorists, rights of entry, Congestion charging, Low Emission Zones etc. I would put NOTHING past the lunatic bastards curremtly running this asylum.

Hopefully Ms Flint will strike enough sparks on the hopefully steely British so that she and her fascist Labour ilk are voted out for the foreseeable future. Watch this space.